(Part 3) The Journey- Ectopic Pregnancy

Me: “Mark, I am late!”

Mark: “What do you mean your late?”

Me: “I took a test, I am pregnant!”

What…I was pregnant?  On our own, without any fertility treatments?  This was a miracle I thought!  It was about a year after the boys were born.  I couldn’t believe it!  I was excited and also in a little bit of shock. But the fact that we got pregnant on our own was huge after 7 years of trying before the boys.  I remember calling my doctor and making my 1st prenatal appointment.  I started getting really excited.

Then this happen…The Friday before my doctors appointment I was at work.  I started feeling extreme pain in my abdomen, I ran to the bathroom and was nauseas from the pain.  It got to the point that I could not stand anymore and my co-workers had to call the ambulance.  I had not told anyone that I was pregnant yet, but I had to at that point.  At the hospital they gave me morphine, they thought I was constipated.  I started getting a little relief but still remained very bloated and weak.  I finally went home.

I still had some pain for the next few days, then it happened again.  My friend Naty happened to stop by my house.  The extreme pain began again but worse, I collapsed from the pain and an ambulance had to be called.  Thank God she came, my husband was working!  She was able to stay at my house with my 3 kids.  My husband met me at the hospital.  The doctor that saw me knew right away what it could be when I told him I was pregnant.  They misdiagnosed me at the other hospital a few days before.  How could this be, was I really going through this…It was what I feared…an ectopic pregnancy.  They took me right in for an ultra sound to confirm.  My husband could see the screen, I saw his face when he saw our baby.  I will never forget his face as he tried to be strong for me.  They confirmed, the baby was growing in my fallopian tube and I was internally bleeding.  My fallopian tube was about to rupture.  There was nothing they could do to make this ok.  They gave us a few minutes alone to be with each other, we held each other trying to put our heads around what was happening.  Then, they came in and said I needed emergency surgery  because I was hemorrhaging.  Everything happen so fast.  They told me all these things that could happen.  They had to act quick.  I said good-bye to my husband, he kissed me and he whispered, “I love you…trust God!”  I don’t even remember falling asleep, when did they even knock me out?  Last thing I remember is seeing my husbands face as he said those words to me.

“I love you…trust God!”

Then, I woke up…the doctor that operated standing over me and said how lucky I was!  The moment they began operating, my tube ruptured.  I remember being so thankful for my life but then being flooded with grief for my loss, I even felt guilt.  Any woman that has been through this or a miscarriage could probably relate to that empty feeling, the helpless feeling that comes over you.  I had to stay at the hospital for about 5 days and then had 6 weeks of recovery.  It was like going through a recovery for a c-section.   I felt like I had to be strong for my daughter and my boys.  I had to take care of them.  I feel like even today I have not fully grieved. I know it’s a process I must go through.  One thing I know is that there is nothing I could of done.

One thing I have to say…I am so thankful for my faith.  That is the only thing that could actually bring me some comfort.  I am so thankful for my husband and all my kids, including for my little angel baby.  In that small amount of time that we were together, I connected with him/her and I am thankful.  I pray for my healing and so many others that can relate to this experience.  Thanks for reading this, I believe this is part of my healing!

Please leave a comment below and say hi. I’d love to connect with you!